DEFRAUDING

I. What is defrauding?
    -Stealing what is not rightfully yours.
    -To take advantage of.
    -To make a gain of.
    -To go beyond.
    -To deprive.
    -To overreach.
II. In what three ways do we defraud others?
    1. Immorality: By arousing the sexual desires of another. I Thessalonians 4:6 (outlined in the following pages)
    2. Marriage: By withholding sexual fulfillment from one's marriage partner. I Corinthians 7:1-9 (outlined in the following pages)
    3. Between believers: By taking another believer to court. I Corinthians 6:7-8 (consequences given below)
III. What warnings are given in Scripture regarding defrauding? “Defraud Not” Mark 10:19
IV. What are the consequences of defrauding another believer in court?
    1. It does not allow the opportunity for spiritual leaders to provide assistance. I Corinthians 6:5
    2. It destroys interpersonal relationships. I Corinthians 6:7-8
    3. It takes away from others what rightfully belongs to them. I Corinthians 6:7-8 

DEFRAUDING: Outside of Marriage
I. How do we defraud outside of marriage?
    -Stimulating sexual drives in others that God never intended for us to fulfill. I Thessalonians 4:1-8
    1. Men defraud by touching, caressing, and suggestive talk. (women respond to touch)
    2. Women defraud by eye language, the way she dress and the way she conducts herself. (men respond to sight)

II. What are the consequences of defrauding outside of marriage?
    1. Leads to an involvement in sexual deviant patterns. (fornication, homosexuality, rape, prostitution, adultery, pornography) 
    2. It demonstrates a lack of genuine love for the one we defraud. I Thessalonians 4:9-10 (context) 
    3. It will destroy the self image in others that are being defrauded. 
    4. It will produce guilt in the individual with whom you are involved. 
    5. It will cause you to develop a hatred for the person you defrauded. II Samuel 13:15 
    6. It will cause you to become bitter when faced with the consequences of your actions. Proverbs 5:4 
    7. The person you defraud will never accept restitution for your failure. Proverbs 6:35 
    8. It can never be totally resolved with the individuals affected even though one may experience forgivenesss. Proverbs 6:33 
    9. It destroys God’s reputation. II Samuel 12:14 
    10. It may cause you to lose your physical fulfillment you desire in your present/future marriage. 
    11. You will not be able to be trusted by your mate with members of the opposite sex because of your lack of self control.

III. What are the solutions to defrauding outside of marriage?
    1. Seek to fulfill one’s sexual drives within a fulfilling marriage relationship. I Corinthians 7:2-7,9 
    2. Make a commitment to purity. I Corinthians 7:1; I Thessalonians 4:3,7 
    3. Develop self control. I Corinthians 7:5; I Thessalonians 4:4 
    4. Set apart your physical body for Christ’s glory and honor. I Thessalonians 4:3-4 
    5. Guard your heart’s desire and thoughts. Proverbs 7:25 
    6. Never expose yourself to the company of those who are involved in any sexual deviant pattern. Proverbs 5:8, 7:8,25 
    7. Recognize that God will judge sexual deviance. (Consequences) I Thessalonians 4:6 

DEFRAUDING: Within a marriage relationship.
I. How do we defraud within the marriage relationship?
    -By withholding from your mate the normal physical relationship God designed for marriage.

II. What are the consequences of defrauding within a marriage relationship?
    1. The marriage partner will experience greater temptations to sexual deviant patterns to fulfill what is missing in the marriage. One will need more self control in a relationship where there is not mutual fulfillment. I Corinthians 7:2,5
    2. Produces frustration and unfulfillment. I Corinthians 7:2

III. What are the solutions to defrauding within a marriage relationship?
    1. Develop a fulfilling physical relationship within marriage that provides for the needs of both husband and wife. Proverbs 5:15-19; I Corinthians 7:2
    2. Focus on meeting the physical needs of your mate as if you had a debt to pay him/her. I Corinthians 7:3
    3. Surrender the control of your physical body to your mate. I Corinthians 7:4
    4. Only abstain from fulfilling each others needs when there is an important need for prayer and fasting. I Corinthians 7:5 (A person’s physical desires decrease during fasting) 
        -Must be agreed upon by both husband and wife. 
        -Must be for a limited time specified in advance. 
        -Must be for a spiritual purpose.
    5. Develop self control. I Corinthians 7:9
    6. Set apart your physical body for Christ's glory and honor. I Thessalonians 4:4
    7. Make a commitment to purity. I Thessalonians 4:7 

DEFRAUDING: Outside of Marriage
(Explanation to the counselor)
I. How do we defraud outside of marriage?
The term defrauding is used to describe a person who steals, takes advantage of, makes gain of, or to overreach one’s boundary. When a person stimulates another’s sexual desires they are stealing and taking advantage of another person, which God calls defrauding. This can be seen in a couples dating process. Couples need to be encouraged to establish standards that they will follow on their dates to protect them from defrauding. The consequences of defrauding can be used to keep them from a physical involvement. Because a person is not aware of how the opposite sex might respond, they defraud another without even being aware of it. Men must remember that women respond to touch, while women must remember that men respond to sight. Women must be very careful how they dress, because, this along with her eye language can be used to defraud men. Recognizing that members of the opposite sex respond differently is important to remember in keeping from defrauding one another.

II. What are the consequences of defrauding outside of marriage?
The consequences of defrauding are important to convince young people who are planning to date, that every sin God condemns has consequences. These will deter them from an involvement in defrauding. Defrauding another person indicates the fact that you do not genuinely have their best interest in mind in your relationship but it is built on selfishness (2). One who genuinely loves another will not steal or take advantage of them. Defrauding another produces guilt that usually is never resolved, and later will effect their relationship to God and their ability to respond to the physical relationship in marriage. Due to the unresolved guilt in defrauding, a couple will begin to blame one another and that will lead to additional conflicts in their relationship. This conflict will turn the love in the relationship to hatred (5). After Ammon defrauded his half sister Tamar, the Bible says his hatred for her was greater than his previous love which he had shown to her. Couples involved in pre-marital sex will experience far more conflict in their dating and marriage than couples that choose not to defraud. The only solution is to genuinely repent and resolve the guilt. If a person defrauds, he will experience bitterness as another consequence to his sin. He may become bitter at his mate, others, or even at God (6). Solomon clearly warns that most sins we commit can be corrected, but the sin of defrauding cannot be corrected because no payment can be made to pay for this sin (7,8). One of the tragedies, is that the sin of defrauding will also destroy God’s reputation and His work. David was told this by Nathan following his sin with Bathsheba. Two final results, that are not found in Scripture but nevertheless are very important, are that a couple may lose their normal desire for the physical relationship because of their sexual deviant sins. Couples involved in defrauding face the possibility of not being fulfilled in their marriage relationship, and their mate will never be able to trust them with members of the opposite sex because of their lack of self control. Sample questions: -Do you realize that by defrauding you are actually demonstrating your lack of love for the person you are dating? (2) -Do you realize the damage you will cause to the self worth of the one you are dating. (3) -Would you like to experience added conflicts in your marriage. (4,5) 
Sample questions: -Do you recognize that defrauding and sexual deviant sins can never be totally erased and the person you hurt will never accept restitution (7,8). -If you knew that God’s reputation would be hurt because of your involvement would you stop (9)? (Explain how David’s sin caused God’s enemies to blaspheme God (II Samuel 12:14). Use present day illustrations. -Would you be willing to sacrifice a few moments of sexual pleasure for a fulfilling marriage of sexual satisfaction (10)? (Explain that many couples who defrauded in dating later lose their desire for the physical relationship with their mate and their mate faces a lifetime of frustration.) -Would you desire the insecurity of knowing that you cannot trust your marriage partner with members of the opposite sex (11)? Because of the lack of self control in a relationship prior to marriage, a couple cannot trust each other with members of the opposite sex, producing fear that their mate will be unfaithful to them.
III. What are the solutions to defrauding outside of marriage?
A person who has stong physical drives should be encouraged to marry and fulfill those desires in the way God has designed they be fulfilled (I Corinthians 7:9). Every believer needs to develop specific commitments in his/her life to purity (2). One of the fruits of the Spirit, that is often neglected, is the quality of self control (3).. This quality is essential to guard against the problem of defrauding. A dedication of one’s body to the glory and honor of Christ each day will guard the believer from a problem with defrauding (4). One of the reasons believers have difficulty with defrauding is that they do not allow the Holy Spirit to control their thoughts and desires (5). Encourage a counselee to make a list of each defrauding thought that he focuses on within a week. The Bible gives a principle that guarantees one will never be involved in any sexual deviant sin. If a believer makes a commitment to never speak or go near anyone who defrauds or talks about any involvement in any of the eight sexual deviant sins the Bible warns against, he will protect himself from these problems. Practically speaking, that means if a person defrauds on a date, he/she immediately breaks off the relationship until there is genuine repentance and confession before the Lord. The final solution is to recognize that God will judge sexual deviance as the Bible clearly indicates. God is observing and will judge defrauding. 

DEFRAUDING: Within a marriage relationship.
(Explanation to the counselor)
I. How do we defraud within the marriage relationship?
God intended for a couple to experience oneness in their spirit, soul (mind-thinking, will-decision making, and emotions) and body (sexually). As a couple develops oneness in each of these areas, they will experience the fulfillment God intended for their relationship. Defrauding involves withholding from one’s mate the normal physical relationship God designed for marriage. There are a number of reasons why an individual would withhold the physical relationship from their mate: 1). To get even. 2). Being taught that the physical relationship in marriage is sinful or only for procreation. 3). Because of past sexual deviant sins that have produced guilt and caused a wall to develop between the couple.

II. What are the consequences of defrauding within a marriage relationship?
Paul, in I Corinthians 7, warns the believers against the dangers of withholding the fulfillment of the physical relationship from one’s marriage partner. One of the greatest dangers is that it opens the door to fornication. Fornication is a general term describing a series of sexual deviant problems one may be tempted to commit. The Bible warns against eight sexual deviant sins: fornication, homosexuality, incest, beastiality, rape, harlotry, adultery, and lust (pornography). The frustration of not being fulfilled may lead to one or more of these sinful practices. A person is not justified in practicing these deviant patterns merely, because they are unfulfilled in their marriage. Our commitment must be to self control. Sample questions: -Are you aware of the dangers of not fulfilling your marriage partner? -Do you realize the extra pressures and temptations you place on your partner by not fulfilling them?

III. What are the solutions to defrauding within a marriage relationship?
A couple must recognize the duty of fulfilling each other’s physical needs totally within the marriage relationship. There must be a commitment to finding no physical fulfillment outside of that relationship. Paul shares that our responsibility to our mate is like a debt that we owe to our marriage partner (I Corinthians 7:3). That debt will not be paid until the couple is separated in death. He also shares that in a marriage relationship our body belongs to our mate and not to ourselves (I Corinthians 7:4). The only time a couple may abstain from fulfilling their mate s sexual needs is during a time of prayer and fasting, when a spiritual need is pressing. He shares that you must mutually agree for a specified time to abstain, but only for a spiritual purpose. Fasting decreases a couple’s desire for fulfillment and this doesn’t place pressures on the marriage. Paul concludes the passage by warning that if one does not satisfy their mate, Satan will then have access to tempt the unfulfilled partner in the area of their physical drives.

Notice: These materials are not intended to take the place of professional, mental health services, but rather to provide Biblical insight and helpful resources regarding various spiritual and emotional problems.  While we are glad to offer these resources for your personal use, we encourage you to contact our pastor, Nolan Jackson, Sr., for in-depth, free, Christian Counseling. If you are interested in setting up an appointment, please call 770-786-8676 or e-mail (be sure to include contact information).

                                       Belmont Baptist Church - Pastor Nolan Jackson, Sr. - 3275 Iris Dr. - Conyers, GA  30013 - 770-786-8676